Prologue



April 18, 1999

It was prom night and everything a seventeen year old high school girl dreamed of, aside from the damned muggy weather of mid-spring in Tulsa. There was that twinge in the air, the bite of excitement that seemed to wrap around Sheryl Anne Maxwell’s slender throat and nearly choke her. She’d had butterflies in her stomach all morning long, a nervous pang in her chest, and she simply felt like she would die if it didn’t come soon enough. She’d spent an incredibly long time tweezing, plucking, rolling, curling, shaving and all other manner of grooming to make herself look especially beautiful on a night like this.

But this night was particularly important. Tonight was the night she would loose her virginity. She had held out the best she could against Jake Locke’s hot kisses and impatient hands. She had shot back snide remarks when he would just laugh and call a little kid. She imagined he would be one hell of a lover. She had spent more time on this one evening than she had since her parents died, not to mention the countless hours in the weeks before to pick out the right dress.

Turning to the right, then to the left, she looked at herself in the full length mirror with a smile on her face. Jake always said she looked beautiful in black, so she had picked out the black dress with him in mind. She considered herself beautiful in his eyes, and no one else’s , so when looking at herself, she could always find something wrong. She assumed she was pretty enough with her long, stark red hair tumbling down in soft curls by her face and down her back. The dress was backless, with a satin strap that tied around her neck, silver rhinestones arranged into a triangle between her breasts, then hugged her curves before bowing out at her waist and falling to the floor in layers of tulle, creating that perfect princess look. She gave the dress another fluff to thicken it, then sprayed her hair again, checked her lipstick and poked her head out the door.

“Okay! Here I come, handsome!” She came to the top of the stairs, a bright smile on her face as she looked down at her brother. “Well, come down here where I can see you, Sher,” Blair shook his mess of brown hair, “You’re all hidden by the rails.” She walked down slowly, running it in her head as if there was a camera watching her. Her hands delicately grazed the railing as she came down, her tiny black purse dangling between her hands. Her eighteen year old brother smiled at her, taking her hand, pulling her around the bottom step so that her dress would swing and get a laugh out of her. “Do I look okay?” She asked in a meek voice.

Blair shook his head, “You look fantastic,” He said, “Jake would be stupid not to fall over himself.” Blair raised his brows before his eyes darted over to the clock. “Shit,” He said, “I gotta finish getting dressed.” His own tuxedo was half on, and he turned himself back into the mirror to get his tie on. “I think it’s really sweet of you to take Fin to the prom.” She reached over and took the tie by the ends, turning it until she forced it to be straight. If her night was going to be perfect, then so should Blair’s, even if he was just going with Finley as a nice gesture. Sherry thought it was really nice of him to ask her tom-boy best friend to the prom, even if she did see it as pity date. They weren’t meant to be, but she and Jake, they were meant to always be together.

“How do I look, little sister?” He turned, grinning at her. She grabbed his jacket by the lapels, then patted him there, “You look wonderful.” She smiled, “We both do, I only wish….” Sherry’s brilliant blue eyes darted to the floor for only a second before looking back up at him. “I know, sis,” Blair pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her and hugging her close. “I know, I wish they were here too.”

It had only been ten month since Blair and Sherry’s parents had been killed in a plane crash in west Texas, coming home from one of their dad’s business trips. Their dad had been a journalist and news anchor and their mother had been a high powered attorney, so there had been no concern about money when they had died. Their beautiful house in the Tulsa suburbs had been completely paid for, and both kids had hefty trust funds. But when they died, Blair had been eighteen, and Sherry was still a minor. Blair had been given the option in his parent’s wills if he was of age to take on care as her guardian, or Sherry could go and stay with an Aunt in Maine.

He’d chosen to stay with her, not because he particularly wanted too, but because he knew his mom and dad would want them together. He was eighteen, he should have been underage drinking at a frat house, not taking care of a crying teenage girl. And there was only one reason why she cried, and Blair had a sneaking suspicion that Jake Locke would make her cry again tonight, on what--from what he understood from Sherry and Finley--was the most important part of a teenage girls life. The last time she’d come home crying it had been because she’d caught him with another girl at the mall, when as far as she knew, they were together.

“So,” Blair said, “I gotta go pick up Fin, I promised her a proper evening, even if we were just going as friends. What time is that loser…I mean, your worthless date…I mean Jake picking you up?” He meant to say what time did he say he was picking her up, and what time would he forget about her? He dodged a punch from her that went sailing over his head. “Jake won’t forget.” Sherry said, her eyes flashing anger at Blair.

Blair sighed, taking her hands into his and nodding, “I’m sure you trust that,” He said, “But I just know that you sometimes have expectations of him and I don’t want to see you get hurt anymore. That’s all, sis. Honest.” She licked her lips, nodding at him as she walked across the living room to get her sheen shoulder covering, “I know,” She said, “I know you’re just looking out for me. But, I believe in Jake, for reasons unknown even to me.” She put her hand in the air as he opened his mouth, “I know he’s disappointed me before, but I know he won’t this time. I know he won’t.”

Blair walked across the room, kissing her cheek lightly, “Okay, sis.” But if he didn’t, Blair would kick his ass. “I’ve got to go pick up Finley, I’ll see you there. Dance with me?” He gave her a quirky smile that had her laughing, “Sure.” As the front door closed behind him, she walked around the room in what she hoped was impatience and excitement, rather than nerves. “No,” She said to her reflection, “Jake wouldn’t let me down this time.”

He’d promised her. Didn’t that mean something? He had promised that he would take her, despite his arguments against it. “Oh, come on, Sherry, the prom is for kids, I’m twenty-one. I don’t go to proms.” He leaned back on the hood of the car, staring down from their little place that gave them a view of Tulsa, glittering against the backdrop. “Jake,” Sherry had turned those blue eyes on him as they swam with tears, “I know how you feel about it, but please? It would…mean so much to me. And besides, if you don’t go with me, then you’ll force a cheerleader to go to prom by herself. And how pathetic is that?” She’d turned her head and looked out on Tulsa, “I…please? Jake?” She looked at him, thinking she saw a change in his face at the tears that threatened to roll down her face. She refrained from adding any type of ‘if you love me’ statement, because he’d never really said it to her. In two years of their on again, off again relationship, never once had he said it. But he had to love her. She couldn’t be feeling all of these things on a one-sided basis.

Jake had looked at her face, sighed, “Fine. Whatever. I’ll do it, but three dances and then I get to sit on my ass and watch you make a fool of yourself when they talk about that stupid crown.” She’d nudged him playfully, then thrown her arms around his neck. “Thank you so much Jake, you’ll never know how much this means to me.”

From that moment, she had been a woman on a mission, picking out everything the way Jake would like. A dress he would like, shoes he would like, her hair down because that was the way he liked it. She’d done everything for him, so there was no way he would let her down. Not this time. Not again.

She checked her watch again. Ten after eight. That was okay, he’d promised to be by to pick her up with an armful of yellow roses, her favorite, around eight-thirty. Grabbing a bottle of water from the refrigerator she settled onto the couch to watch a little TV. She settled on Road Rules, hoping that laughing at stupid drama would take some of this anticipation out of her stomach. Time passed until a commercial, which she used the moment to check her lipstick, her hair, and found everything to be perfect, right down to the red toenails poking out of the open toed shoes. Everything would be perfect. Jake wouldn’t let her down tonight. Sherry jumped up at the sound of a car approaching, peeking out of the curtains, only to sigh as her neighbor turned into their driveway.

No, he wouldn’t let her down again.


Jake hadn’t meant to let her down. Hell he was wearing half the tuxedo, wasn’t he, and that had to count for something, right? He’d only wanted to drive up here for about twenty minutes, drink a beer, have a cigarette, then he would go get her. Sherry wouldn’t rail him too badly if he was just about ten minutes later than he’d promised. But time had passed, his brain had gotten busy, full of thoughts, and he’d done it again.

He really hadn’t meant to disappoint her again.

But wasn’t that why he was up here thinking? Hell, he was twenty-one years old and didn’t really have anything to show for it, aside from this busted down, piece of shit Ford. He slept in the basement of his parents house, worked as a bartender, and didn’t really have enough money to do anything aside from buy beer. Sherry was rich, her parents had made sure they were well taken care of. She could have anything she wanted, so why the hell did she want him so badly? He wasn’t anything, and she was everything. Sherry was sun, and he was the moon.

So, yeah, he kept letting her down. From the smallest things, like the time he promised to meet her at the park, left her sitting there while he was at home taking a nap, or the time he’d walked out of the Chili’s, sticking her with the check. Most people thought he was an asshole, but she just never got the memo. And she was the one person that needed too. Jake would never do anything but hold her back.

With the smoke rising in his face and up into the night sky, he sighed, undoing the top button on the white shirt. Fifty fucking dollars to rent the son of a bitch and he wasn’t even going to go. The fact of the matter was that she was the one person that made him want to be more, be better, do more, and she just needed to go away. He would never be more than what he was, and that was no good for her. So all the things he did weren’t to be cruel, they were to get her to get angry enough to leave him.

Jake had thought he’d finally done it. At her parents funeral, he didn’t go, even after he’d promised to be there for her. But he didn’t go, then he didn’t answer her calls for three days, until just the sheer need to see her had driven him to scale the side of her house and slip into her room. He’d laid there and held her as she cried until she’d admitted that he was the one thing that made it all a little better. He’d realized that day, he was going to have to drive her away.

When she’d asked about prom, he hadn’t meant to agree to go. But there was something about the way she turned those tearful eyes into his and begged him that had broken his resolve down. He really liked seeing that light jump back into her eyes or hearing that squeal of excitement she makes.

Sure, Sherry was happy now but he knew that he wouldn’t be able to keep her that way. She would graduate soon, got off to college, get a taste of the real world, and he wouldn’t be enough for her. He might always just be “that bartender” and he wouldn’t be the kind of person she deserved. So he broke her, over and over again on purpose.

He slid off the roof of the car, chucking the beer bottle over the ledge of the cliff and checked his watch. It was eleven now, that would be long enough. He would go over there, get into a fight, piss her off, and leave. He just had to leave. He had to get himself together. But the problem was, she was always believing in him.

Damn that nasty habit of hers.


She sat outside of her house on the little wooden swing at eleven-thirty, her hair still in perfect curls, her make-up still immaculate. She was dressed down into a pair of jeans, a grey OU long sleeved t-shirt, and a pair of flip flops as she used her toes to swing herself back and forth. When the lights topped the hill, she got to her feet, coming down to the bottom step on the porch as the shitty Ford pulled into her driveway. Sherry glared at him as he got out, not at all surprised, not at all amused, but pissed enough to keep herself from allowing the tears to fall down her face. She looked at him as he got out of the car, the white tuxedo shirt un-tucked over a pair of faded jeans, an unapologetic look on his face. The dirty blonde hair on his head was messed up, a tired and worn out look in his blue eyes.

Boo-fucking-hoo, she was tired and worn out too.

“No,” She said to him as he leaned against the car, sure that he was full of apologies and reasons. He had the shirt on right? So that means he rented the tuxedo and just left her sitting here for no reason. Asshole. What a jerk. Why had seen been wasting so much time on Jake Locke. She repeated the no before turning to walk back into the house. He laughed at her retreat, “Sherry, come on,” He said with a casual tone, “It’s just prom.” He laughed again, shaking his head at her, “You’re such a child.”

Her hand paused over the door handle, where she had been fully and totally prepared to open it and tell him to fuck off before slamming it in his face. But she didn’t. Something in his tone had her turning. How did he always know how to get a rise and reaction out of her? Why did he always play this game with her?

It killed him to see that look in her eye, but he had too.

“I’m a child?” She responded, coming to stand back at the landing with her hands on her hips. When he just nodded and leaned through the window to light a cigarette from the car lighter, Sherry swore she felt something inside her snap. She realized in this instance that Jake would never change, not for her, not for himself, not for anyone. She’d always believed that if she loved him enough, he would come around. But he was always doing this. Always hurting her and it was almost as if he wanted to do it on purpose. The fact that he was wearing that damn tux just proved it for her. Slowly, she realized what the snapping was---her heart, shattering into pieces. He is, was, and always will be the greatest asshole alive. “Let me tell you something about being a child, Jacob Timothy Locke.”

He snorted, “Oh, here it comes, the great Sherry/Jake bitch out fight. Don’t you ever get tired of doing this?”

“Doing what? Waiting? Yes!” She screamed, coming across the grass to shove him against the car, the cigarette falling from his lips and bouncing to the concrete below. “I’m tired of you calling me a child when you’re the one that fucking acts like one. I’m not the one who left me sitting upstairs in six hundred dollars worth of dress, shoes, make-up, and enough hairspray to glue a fucking fly to a wall, while I waited for you to show up.” As he straightened himself back up, she shoved him again, getting an angry and threatening glare from him.

One that clearly read that if she shoved him again, he would retaliate. And she didn’t give a rats ass, she would love nothing more than to beat him into a bloody mess right here in a driveway. “What excuse do you have this time Jake? Cause it’s not the first time you’ve left me waiting.”

“I changed my mind.” He replied simply, leaning down to retrieve the butt from the ground, placing it back between his lips after checking the filter for dirt. “You promised!” Again his back hit the car, “You promised me, Jake, and I held onto that all day!” The tears came now, all the hurt and disappointment overrode the blazing rage. “I defended you to Blair, to Finley! I thought surely he means it this time. This time he won’t leave me sitting in the park by myself, or leave me to cry at my parents graveside alone! You promised and you broke it!”

He heard her heart breaking and as much as it pained him, as much as it broke him, he responded with something that would keep that heady anger coming. “Sherry, why are you so upset? It’s just prom. You’re always doing this…taking some little nothing and turning it into a big fight that’s probably going to get us on COPS one day. It’s just prom, it’s not like someone died.”

“Oh, but you left me then too, didn’t you! I lost my mom and dad, and you promised me that you would hold my hand. I needed you and you had sworn to take care of me. But that day came and there was nothing! Didn’t even bother to show your face until three days later…when you fuckin’ felt like it! Don’t you get it? Don’t you understand? This isn’t about prom! Prom is just the icing on the cake of you being such a fucking asshole! This is about the fact that you, once again, kept me sitting around and waiting. Making me feel foolish. It’s almost like…It’s like…” She trailed off, trying to find the words. She had to calm down, get herself together, before she said anything more. Before she said too much.

But Jake knew exactly what was coming. What better way to piss her off enough to get rid of her by doing this? By making her say what she was about too. He had to push her, had to press her until she said it. If she got a second to calm down she would say something else and he wouldn’t be able to do it. God help him, he was going to shatter her even as she crumbled.

“It’s like what, Sherry?” He asked. This would be the perfect way to get her to just leave him alone. He wasn’t meant to be with someone like her.

“It’s like you don’t even love me!” She blurted, instantly regretting the words as they came out of her mouth. She watched his face change, watched it go even colder as he tossed the cigarette aside, the embers scattering against the concrete. “I don’t.” He said, turning those cold blue eyes on her. “Don’t. Won’t. Never did.” He kept his sentences short and choppy, every word that came out of his mouth was dripped in eyes as he forced himself to look at her as if she meant nothing.

“Don’t you lie to me about that.” She managed between deep breaths. She wouldn’t let him see her cry. “Don’t you dare. You’re a fucking coward, you know that? Standing here telling me this, when we both know you’re lying. Why else would you stick around for these last years?”

“You’ve answered your own question, Sherry, “Jake said, shoving his hands into his pockets. “You’re always pushing and pulling on me, and hell it’s easier to just do what you want than to argue with you. Why do you think I would just leave you all the time? Cause I don’t really want to be here. Never wanted too.” What else? Oh. “Hell, I thought you were easy. I didn’t realize you were…well, not. I figured you’d turn out to be a hell-cat in the sack, we’d have some fun, then we’d move along.” He shrugged, “I didn’t realize you were like crazy-obsession girl.”

“Fuck you,” She managed, the tears she’d managed to push back inside rushing down her face. She watched him as he watched her cry, and noticed the shimmer in his own eyes. “You’re a coward, look at yourself. You just don’t want to love me, that’s all Jake.” She took a step forward, so sure of the way he felt, so sure that she could make him feel the same way. But as she stepped forward, he grabbed her by the shoulders holding her at arms length, “Listen to me.” He hissed, the anger he felt at himself translating so well into what he needed her to see, “Don’t touch me anymore. Don’t talk to me anymore. I don’t love you. I never will. I never did. I just wanted to fuck you. Don’t you understand that?” She didn’t believe him. Shit. “Why would I want you? You’re just some rich little bitch who think that she’s better than everyone else. Someone who thinks she deserves all this attention because her mom and dad died.”

It was like victory when his cheek stung from the slap and she backed away from him, her arms folded around herself as if a terrible chill had just rushed over her. Her lip curled in hatred, “Go to hell,” She managed, “Don’t worry about me not touching or talking to you anymore, cause after this, I don’t want too. I hate you. I don’t care if I ever see you again, cause this little rich bitch will leave, get out of Tulsa and when--no, if--I ever come back again, I’ll be sure to stop by Lucky’s. You’ll still be there. Enjoy your life, dick.”

Unable to keep it together another second, she turned on her heels to walk quickly into the house. With the sound of the door slamming still echoing across the eerie Tulsa midnight, Jake took three steps towards the door, then stopped himself. Wasn’t this what he wanted? If he went back to that door, he would apologize until she came out. And that wasn’t what was best for her. Who gave a shit about him? He knew that what she said was true, he would still be there flipping bottles for a couple of extra dollars. His hand hovered over the door handle of his car before slipping into the car and throwing it into reverse. “Bye Sherry.” He muttered to the maddening silence that was around him.

But it didn’t make him feel any better, and all that was left of what they could have been, what should have been, was the void in his heart.